Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
