You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
