Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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