I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
