he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
