ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
