i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
