Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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