can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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