Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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