Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I will pee on everything he values.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
