I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
