Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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