i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
