I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
