Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize