11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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