If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
