im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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