my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
