Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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