she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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