What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
