Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
