Whatcha textin bout Willis?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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