i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize