Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
