textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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