i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
