i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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