Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
