he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
