five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
