I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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