you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I know her cup size but not her name....
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