Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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