how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize