I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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