Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
