i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
