I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
