Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
