just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize