Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
