hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He passed out mid-signature
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
