Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
