My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize
