So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
