new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
