pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
