Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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