I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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