you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We talked him into tasing himself.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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