wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
