i always forget guys have bellybuttons
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
