YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
