Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
