the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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