He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
