He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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