these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Drunk is not a location!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
His nipple licking is glorious
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