Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
